So this is probubly gonna get me in some trouble. And its probubly gonna make a lot of you mad at me. But you know what? Know one.. not one of you can understand what it is like to be me.
No one loves my Mom more than me. And that is something everyone says about my Mom. She's just so great. And it obviously kills me that my Mom has to go through all this hell. But she isn't perfect.
No one is perfect. Especially me. I believe I am the most imperfect person on this earth. I screw up over and over and over again. But I have been trying to convince my Mom of something for what seems like forever.. and nothing is getting through to her and if I am gonna continue to spend endless amounts of time with her for the next three or four months, then I need help clearing this up with her.
I'm having problems with my Mom right now because she thinks her opinion is the only one that matters. And she has gotten into a habit of not caring what anyone else thinks and being rude. She justifies everything she does. She'll say something completely rude and then go "Well maybe you shouldn't of blah blah blah.." or "Well I just want you to know blah blah blah..".
But just because you THINK you have a reason to be rude. Doesn't mean its ok. I'll admit, I'm rude all the time. Not that I choose too. But at least I admit it and I consciously try and work on it.
My Mom is in denial of being rude. She throws me under the bus with out thinking twice. You would think that there would be ANY kind of loyalty or integrity since we're family and all.. but since I'm her daughter she instantly throws me under the bus. In an argument between a stranger and I she would consider the strangers argument before she would consider mine.
When someone upsets or offends me.. Instead of agreeing with me or at least leveling with me.. she instantly jumps on their side and defends them. I think she might pass out if she ever had to defend me. She is mentally incapable of being partial to me.
She has not one bit of appreciation for me. No one does. I get no recognition what so ever. It would just be kind of nice to get a "Your doing a good job.. Keep up the good work." But no. Instead I get the floor.
I'm just sick of the way my Mom is treating me. I have been trying to explain his to her forever. But I doubt it will ever get through to her. Ever. And do you think I'm making this up?? I've been trying to convince her that she is so rude to us and is mean and thinks she's perfect.. For. Ever.
I know a lot is going on. But this needs to be worked out because if it doesn't then the next three or four months isn't going to go very smooth. And its so easy for her to roll her eyes and tell me "Whatever Lynnzee.." than to actually look at her self and try to make things better. If she is just gonna be rude and be the first to throw me under the bus and treat me like I'm stupid then why would I try to make it better? It needs to be a two sided effort.
And don't get me wrong.. Me and Mom are seriously best friends. Most of the time we have a blast together. Mostly when its just me and her. Tomorrow we're going to Duluth and she's paying for me to get my hair cut. And we have a lot of good times. But because of that, its very hard to define the "Mom" line and the "Friend" line. And I feel that just because she is my Mom.. doesn't mean she gets to be rude and treat me like I'm nothing. I just feel like I deserve a TINY bit of respect.. Any kind of respect would be nice. And you have so work at relationships and work on showing respect for each other in ANY relationship. So ours shouldn't be any different.
I just wanted to throw this out there because my relationship with my mom isn't perfect. And it obviously is coming to a crossroad because I spend SO much time with her now. Its either going to get a lot better after the 6months in Rochester is over or its gonna go bad.. fast. And if nothing changes.. then its gonna go bad for sure.
I'm sure you all (I talk like people actually read this thing) are pissed at me for even saying ANYTHING bad about my Mom. And I'm not trying to say "bad" things about my Mom.. I just wanted to put this out there because it's no longer something I want to keep personal. Because I've tried talking to her about it and it doesn't work. I love my mom and she is still my best friend. I just needed to write this and move on.
Lynz
dftba
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